


hate

by softangelovee



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Sad Han Jisung | Han, hate comments, jisung reads the hate comments, lapslock, there’s nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 03:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20057185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softangelovee/pseuds/softangelovee
Summary: jisung notices that haters constantly hate on everything about him, and not just one thing. this gets to his head, and he finds himself doing things that aren’t safe or healthy.





	hate

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is basically a story where jisung reads the hate comments and they persuade to do things. if you ever are feeling any of these things, please let someone know.

critiquing is something that idols are familiar with, especially stray kids. they were constantly being critiqued, a lot of people telling them what they have and haven’t improved on since the survival show. some were positive, talking about how they have improved on since the show. but some of the comments were cruel, degrading the boys rather than critiquing them. those kind of comments were referred to as hate comments. they usually talk about how woojin lacks a pretty face, or minho still lacks vocally. but they were consistent. they made comments about the same thing, meaning that the person that they are hating only lacks in one thing. 

unlike han jisung. jisung was only being hated on because of his face at first, which didn’t bother him. he’s a pretty confident person, so he didn’t let that bother him. but it slowly went from his face to his personality. from his personality to his rapping skills. from his rapping skills to his singing skills. from his singing skills to his dancing skills. and he found himself being hated from his head down to his toes, from the inside of him to the outside of him. he soon found himself hating himself more than the haters did. and he never told the others, as he didn’t want to bother him. why bother them when he could improve on things he obviously lacked?

the number one thing jisung tackled was his weight. many haters said that he looked a bit overweight for his age and height. he was already on a diet, but so was the rest of stray kids. it was pretty loose, so he made his stricter. he started to eat less, going from three meals a day to only two. and from eating two meals he went down to one. and from one meal, he started eating once every three days. he only drank water, and made sure his meal was small when he did eat. 

the others did notice his diet, but thought it was because of the concert. they thought that he was just wanting to better himself for the fans, and who were they to deny him that?

the next thing he tackled were his musical skills. he started to take more vocal and rapping lessons, making sure his voice was the best. he made sure his pronunciation was clearer, that he put more emotion into his raps and vocal lines. he also started to stay in the dance studio longer. when the others would leave, he would stay for an additional three hours. he was constantly in the producing studio, making sure that he was constantly writing and producing, even if it didn’t make the final cut for releasing. 

and, like before, the others did notice. but they thought that he wanted a quick comeback. they thought that, again, he wanted to improve for the fans. no one thought he was doing anything wrong, per se, as they’re idols. they’re always trying to improve. 

this doesn’t go completely unnoticed, though. after about a month, the stylist started to notice the fact that jisung was dropping in sizes very quickly. this was concerning, as the boy almost dropped four sizes in a little under a month. the stylist brought jisung to the side after a performance of miroh. “jisung, you’ve dropped almost four sizes,” the stylist says. “and i know that jyp isn’t forcing any of you in a diet that could make you drop almost four sizes.” jisung blushed in embarrassment, and he shrugs. “i don’t know why, noona.” she sighs, and puts a hand on jisung’s shoulder. “alright, jisung. but please don’t diet too hard or too much, ok?” the boy nods, a lie manipulating the stylist. 

this lifestyle continued on for another month and a half before the others really started to notice. but not that he was changing and they should help him, but that he kept messing up and hurting the group. during dance practices, he usually made a mistake. they thought he was becoming sloppier and lazier, and they needed to fix this. why have someone who could barely get through a rehearsed without making a mistake stay as an idol?

one day, after a long dance practice, chan pulled jisung to the side. “jisung, we need to talk when we get home. all nine of us, ok?” jisung had hardly ever heard chan use such a stern voice in his life, but he nodded. he knew that what he said meant that he couldn’t stay any longer after practice. he got his stuff together and followed the eight other boys in silence from the dance studio to the dorm. 

when they got in the dorm, they all collapsed in the living room. felix, hyunjin, minho, and changbin collapsed on the couch. jeongin, woojin, and seungmin collapsed on the floor. chan sat on the floor next to woojin and jisung just stood in front of them all. “jisung, take a seat,” woojin says, and he does. he sits away from them all, barely in the living room. 

“we felt the need to talk,” woojin starts, looking at the rest of them. maybe this was it. maybe jisung was finally getting praised for the hard work he’s put in to make himself better. “you’ve been making mistakes recently, a lot of them, and we need to figure out why,” chan says, and jisung feels his heart break. ‘i’ve been making mistakes,’ he thinks. ‘all this hard work and i’m still a burden.’ jeongin was the next one to say something. “you made seven mistakes in practice today, hyung. that’s more than me in the past month.” jisung felt his hands shaking and felt his heart shatter into two. he didn’t meant to make mistakes. he was up all night and didn’t get any sleep, as he was writing songs. he was hungry because the last thing he had to eat was a small bowl of rice three days ago. “you’ve also hardly lost weight, and you know that we’ve all shed a pound or two. we’re in shape from exercising, and you’re not,” hyunjin says. he has lost weight, though. he’s ninety eight pounds, and he couldn’t be happier. he just never changed his clothes. “you’re always in the producing studio, probably eating, and not practicing at all,” changbin mentions, and he feels tears begin to form in his eyes. he blinks hard to stop them. and before he knows it, they’re all telling him negative things. how he should improve, how he’s been declining. and he realizes that their words sound so familiar with the hate comments. “i’m sorry,” jisung whispers. he stands, going to go in his room, but doesn’t make it four steps in before blacking out.

when he wakes up, he realizes that he’s in his and jeongin’s shared bedroom. he sits, way too fast, and his head begins to hurt and he feels dizzy. he turns his head and sees felix and chan sitting on the ground, on their phones. both boys look up when they see that he’s awake, and set their phones down. “you’re awake!” jisung flinches as they scream, and gives them a confused face. “what happened,” jisung asks, voice hoarse and small. chan and felix look at each other before responding. “you blacked out,” felix says. “we were all talking, and you went to come in here, but you blacked out.” and just like that, jisung remembers all the things they said to him. “sungie, we realized something,” chan says, and chan’s hand intertwines with his. “when we changed your clothes, we noticed that you were much skinner than we thought,” he says. “we also noticed some cuts on your thighs. can you please explain those two things?” jisung felt like he was going to throw up. he was caught. they were going to say he was ugly and kick him out. he hadn’t even realized he was hyperventilating, but realized it when felix whispered, “calm down and breathe, sungie. it’s ok.” he nodded, taking in breaths at a slower rate and trying to calm himself down. felix and chan nodded, a sign that he was doing ok. “you’re doing good, sungie,” chan said. jisung just nods, still trying to calm himself down. 

after successfully calming himself down, chan asks jisung the same question again. jisung shifts uncomfortably when chan says it, and felix moves to sit next to jisung. the boy holds jisung’s hand, and jisung thinks he can do it. “i, um, started being more strict when it came to my diet,” he starts off, “because people started to point out how i looked overweight. and i started to cut down my food intake, so i could lose weight. i never bought new clothes because it would be inconvenient.” jisung takes a deep breath, and felix rubs his thumb over jisung’s knuckles. chan looks at felix with a worried look, and then back at jisung. “and can you explain the cuts?” jisung takes another deep breath, and begins to talk. “things would become too much in my head that i kind of went numb, and to kind of take control over my body, i, um, cut myself.” felix and chan both look at each other, and jisung can feel their stares. tears roll down his cheeks and he hiccups before talking again. “my emotions would take over my body and my mind and it felt like i was numb, and i needed to show that i could still feel and that i have control over myself.” jisung goes to talk again, but a sob is the only thing that he lets out. chan immediately gets up and wraps his arms around the boys waist and hugs him. felix does the same. “jisung, i am so sorry that we didn’t do anything before. we noticed the changes but didn’t say anything. we all made excuses and i’m just so sorry.” jisung shakes his head, and looks up at chan. “it’s not your fault, hyung. i should of told someone about it, but i kept it inside. don’t blame yourself.” jisung wipes away chan’s tears with his thumb. “we need to let the others know,” felix whispers, and chan nods. “we do. would that be ok with you, jisung?” jisung nods, and chan smiles sadly. “alright. let’s go.”

felix opens the door and walks into the living room, chan and jisung behind him. they’re all in the living room, on their phones or just sitting there. when they notice the three boys, all of the attention goes on them. but when they realize that jisung’s there, and awake, they react. 

“jisung!” “are you ok?” “what happened?” 

chan puts a hand, signaling for them to stop talking. and they all do. “jisung needs to tell you guys something,” he says, and all the boys sit up, eyes and ears open. chan takes a seat on the couch, and jisung sits on his lap. chan wraps his arms around jisung’s waist, and jisung plays with chan’s hands. “i, um,” jisung starts out, but quickly stops. “can you say it,” he asks chan, and chan nods. 

chan tells everyone else what happened, and says what jisung told him and felix. when he finished, it went completely silent. the first thing anyone said came out of woojin’s mouth. “jisung, we’re so sorry,” he says. “we shouldn’t of all jumped on you, and those comments aren’t from fans, they’re from haters.” the rest of them nod in agreement, and jisung smiles. “so you’re not mad,” he asks, and they’re quick to shut that thought down and away. “why would we be mad at you,” hyunjin says. “you didn’t do anything wrong, we did.” the others nod. jisung just smiles again. “it’s not your fault. and it may not be mine,” jisung says, and chan kisses his cheek. “we’ll help you, jisung. we promise.”

and they do. over the next two months, they help jisung get out of his habits. they cut him off of his diet and make sure that he doesn’t do anything after it’s over. they also weigh him once a week, just to make sure that he doesn’t relapse. and it all goes good, jisung’s trying his hardest to stay healthy and positive. 

he won’t let the haters win. not again.


End file.
